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July 21, 2021

Dearest Jesus, I feel very confused in my life right now. Please clear my path. I am currently disabled for five years now. My flashbacks of psychological traumas that had spanned from early childhood to adulthood had started in 2016, after a sexual trauma in February 28 had triggered it. My traumatized feelings and depression got worse over the years. My psychologist told me to stay in the here and now, that what had occurred upon me is not happening now anymore. I have no friends locally, and it is hard, but I have more time to spend on You on this side.

Recently I have been admitted to the hospital and never had I stayed for such a long time for 45 days, which is one and a half month, with a majority of time being spent in the ICU. The doctor had diagnosed me with schizophrenia, which means I am very confused with reality right now. Again, please clear my path. I have been diagnosed with complex trauma and Lord, despite I felt I was wrongly described by the doctor, I am glad that you acknowledge of my deep wounds, which is true no matter what the doctor say. I have been self-harming daily, though not cutting these days…please help me to overcome my anxiety.

You are my true healer and not the doctors of this world, for they are limited. I am not certain what is my future ahead in my circumstance right now, for I am completely disabled full-time. However, all I look forward to now is my transformation that you told me that it is imminent, so I can have outreach towards others with my testimony. I despise my old body. You told me that with transformation comes healing and I am so thankful that You are very keen to heal me completely. Thank you for your deep love that had drawn me again and again. Though I am not used right now as much, but I believe posting God’s clock and God’s calendar will serve a purpose. Thank you for choosing me as Your Bride and for assigning me to unique tasks.